Happy Monday everyone! Okay, so you may not feel like celebrating the start of the work week, but I bet you can find something to smile about if you look. Perhaps the traffic lights were green or a butterfly landed on your arm. These might seem like little things, but they’re important. Often times we dwell on the annoying things that go wrong, letting them eat away at our peace and daily joy. But we must also pay attention to the little good things, which people tend to forget about as soon as they happen.
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Image may be NSFW.
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The same can be said about the huge events in our lives. Bad seems to be talked about and remembered longer than good. Scars on the heart and body haunt us while fabulously joyful happenings fade to pleasant memories that must be recalled purposely.
What does this have to do with writing, Heather? Well, happiness affects all parts of our lives, including writing. Which review sits longer in your psyche? The glowing five star or the one where the reviewer calls your book idiotic and not worth ninety-nine cents? I know the answer for me is the later. And yet these negative strikes shouldn’t be given any more attention than a positive review. (Easier said than done!)
Focusing on the negative will eat away at the joy of writing. It can chase away your muse and cripple your prose with second-guessing and a wildly slashing internal editor. It can make us jealous over the triumphs of our peers, giving their success the power to wound us further. Our bad thoughts will increase the terrible things we say to ourselves in our head. It’s a destructive spiral of doom! BWAHAHA!
“Even though people claim to hold themselves in high regard, the thoughts that spontaneously occur to them—their “mental chatter,” so to speak—is mostly (up to 70%) negative, a phenomenon that could be referred to as negativity dominance. Negativity dominance suggests that there is a disconnect between how people respond to questions about how well they are doing relative to their peers, how rosy their future is, and the extent to which they wield control over their outcomes—all of which exhibit a distinct positivity bias—and how they actually feel, deep down in their sub-conscious, about their life. Deep down, it turns out that people are much more self-critical, pessimistic, and fearful than they let out in their conscious thoughts.” Psychology Today, Raj Raghunathan Ph.D.
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So apparently there are a lot of zingers flying around in our heads each day. How does one stop all that negative “mental chatter”? Here are some ways to turn away from the Dark Side, padawan.
1. Talk about the good. At the dinner table I ask each person to tell something good that happened to them that day. It gets us talking and reminds people that we shouldn’t shrug off the good things, no matter how small. Sometimes my kids (and the adults) forget all the amazing opportunities in their lives.Image may be NSFW.
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2. Keep a marble jar. Every time something good happens, add a marble. When you see the colorful mix of marbles growing, it will remind you that there are good things happening all the time.
3. Display the positive. Hang up your good reviews and fan mail. Read them over daily.
4. Keep a gratitude journal. Write down three to five things each night for which you are thankful. It really brings the focus back to the light side of life right before you fall asleep.
5. Smile. By forcing the body to act happy, often times we can trick our minds into following along. Breathe deeply too. Stress is a sneaky thief of joy.
6. Wear a rubber band on your wrist. Every time you start with the negative self-talk, snap it. I know that sounds crazy, but I learned it in a seminar, so it must work : )Image may be NSFW.
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7. Celebrate the big things. Many of you know that I’m an ovarian cancer survivor. I was stage IIC when they found it. I was unaware until just a few months ago that at that at Stage IIC I only had a 57% chance of living five years after diagnosis. I endured extensive surgery, 15 months of chemo, and 6 more months of recovery.
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I reached five years survival on 4/5/16 with a clean bill of health. I could have just had a nice dinner and treated myself to ice cream (I’m on a diet), but I told my husband that I wanted to celebrate big. So we had a party, a big party. In fact the police showed up! I told everyone “there is enough bad in the world that when something good happens, we really need to celebrate.” So we did : ) And each day that I walk my dog and hug my kids and sit on the couch without pain I thank God I’m still here. I actually find it a lot easier to be positive after that journey.
Sometimes no matter what you try, the negativity builds. If you experience negative thoughts for more than two weeks, you should definitely see your doctor. It could be a chemical imbalance, leading to depression (been there too). The right meds and therapy can really help.
These are the basic symptoms of depression.
- you feel hopeless and helpless
- you’ve lost interest in friends, activities, and things you used to enjoy
- you feel tired all the time
- your sleep and appetite has changed
- you can’t concentrate or find that previously easy tasks are now difficult
- you can’t control your negative thoughts, no matter how much you try
- you are much more irritable, short-tempered, or aggressive than usual
- you’re consuming more alcohol than normal or engaging in other reckless behavior
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/depression-signs-and-symptoms.htm
Do any of you have ideas or tricks for cultivating happiness in your life? What good happened to you today/yesterday for those just waking up?
For those interested in more information on ovarian cancer and Heather’s journey, you can find it on Heather’s web site at http://www.heathermccollum.com/ under the ovarian cancer tab.